Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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