I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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