I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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