what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
