I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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