Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
