Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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