tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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