Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
