Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
