She said her name was "party"
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
