I love black thongs
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
