AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
