Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I could make wine with my vomit
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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