If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is Oprah even human
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
