Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
