tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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