mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
