The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
