Just fell off a train. Bad.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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