Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
