you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
