Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
