hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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