Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
