who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I want to walk on stilts...naked
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
