If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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