Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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