Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
