I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
