I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
