Umm I'm too high to move.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
