wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
