I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
