either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
