What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
