I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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