I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
