Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
