i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I need to sanitize my soul.
you never un-have a 4some
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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