awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
