Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
