So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
