isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
