those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
