God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
