I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
