Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
