i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
