worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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