I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
