Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Randomize
